Archive for September, 2007

Ad Wake (beginning)

When he woke up in the morning there was an ad wrapped around his neck above his pajama shirt’s collar. The ad looked like the smooth material of a necktie and when he looked up or turned his head to the side the brand’s name would flash in sleek blue letters below his chin.
He went to the bathroom, took off his socks and noticed two ads on the bottoms of his feet. The ads had pictures of magnified green germs, sharp teeth poking through their slimy skins, warning him of the embarrassing dangers of foot odor. Sitting on the toilet, holding his calf in his hands, he looked at his feet and read about the psychological findings of doctors who confined one man with stinky feet in the midst of a small family of people with fresh-smelling feet, thanks to the help of the product being advertised, and how the smelly man was quickly ostracized, left alone in the bathroom much like he was at the moment.
Having checked the rest of his body and finding only one more ad on his stomach for a health food store, the man slipped into his suit and left his apartment. The first person he saw once outside his building was a man who lived down the hall from him whose name he did not know. The man was sweating, looking down at the sidewalk as if ashamed. A rectangular ad had been stretched over his mouth. Scrolling across the miniature screen, the ad read, “I didn’t brush my teeth last night. Why? Because my toothpaste ran out. After work, I’ll be sure to pick up some Toothpaste brand Toothpaste so this won’t happen again!”


One Scene

Elliot: Please, I’m asking you—please—can I have it?
Adrian: …Nah.
Eliot: Wait. Just hang on a second. I don’t mean “have”. I just need to borrow it for tonight only.
Adrian: Said no.
Elliot: What if I give you my word that I will have it back to you by tomorrow before you even wake up?
Adrian: Fuck that.
Elliot: Please, Adrian. I’m asking you to let me borrow it for one evening and I swear I’ll have it back before noon tomorrow…and…um…
Adrian: What. I’m listening.
Elliot: I’ll think about buying you beer. Ok, can I grab it now?
Adrian: Jesus fucking Christ. You’re the definition of a hypocrite. You know that, right?
Elliot: Just give me the DVD!
Adrian: Pathetic. Ass hole. I’m 16 and I’m smarter than you…or at least I have more pride.
Elliot: I’m doing this to help people like you!
Adrian: Yes. Help. Borrow a Sex Pistols documentary and save the world.
Elliot: I need you to forget about the image you’ve created for yourself and do me a tiny favor. (Under his breath) Shit.
Adrian: Shit? Yes. That’s definitely what you have always been. At least I can say I’m conscious of my decision to be shit.
Elliot: How often—seriously, can you even remember—do I ask you for anything?
Adrian: It’s not so much your groveling that bugs me—actually, it’s as entertaining as it is rare. What gets me is you think you have so much power. You and Dad would make good celebrity life coaches…No, better yet: pet therapists. You guys have already fucked up enough human beings.
Elliot: So what are you saying? I’ve consistently tried to help people. Giving me a documentary about the popularity of punk music can help others too. If you’re a true Nihilist, why should it matter if we discuss the growth in youth apathy? Shouldn’t it not affect you either way? Unless you’re a hypocrite of course.
Adrian: I don’t have to subscribe to some official label. It’s your job to waste energy on judging and classifying people. I’m trash. Yeah. Trash is fine.
Elliot: Alright then Mr. Trash, I’ll just be borrowing this—
Adrian: Hold on Elliot…who are you showing this to?
Elliot: Well it was going to be a group discussion, originally.
Adrian: So who is it?
Elliot: You call me names for caring, but the smallest things set you off. You’re supposed to be trouble-free trash, remember?
Adrian: Fuck that! Who’s seeing this!
Elliot: I’ll tell you once it is in my hands.
Adrian: It will be in your hands once there’s a bottle of Jim Beam in mine.
Elliot: I said beer!
Adrian: What the fuck difference does it make you cowardly, wannabe Christian, hypocrite ass—
Elliot: Justine, alright!
Adrian: Wait a minute…
Elliot: Do you understand what I’m trying to do?
Adrian: This is some bullshit joke to teach me a moral…right?
Elliot: No Adrian. She’s trying to improve her life. She’s been attending our youth group meetings. We’ve been talking about contemporary issues and we need your DVD for a presentation she’s going to make.
Adrian: I can’t believe you guys are doing this to me.
Elliot: Come on, do I even need to say it? I mean, if you’re worried about that. I am the head organizer in the church’s youth league, not to mention she is your age. I mean—I want you to know I realize you guys had something and I respect that. It might not have been meaningful, but you’re my bro and—
Adrian: Leave my room and go fuck yourself with a cactus.
Elliot: I hate to say it, but this is so typical Adrian: responding to my fight against negativity by hurling negativity at me.
Adrian: What are you trying to prove? You want to save someone who I actually cared about and therefore corrupted? All you want is Mom and Dad’s approval to show them you’re the hero. Maybe they’ll kick me out after all.
Elliot: Why can’t you understand that I’m helping people! I’m trying to help the community!
Adrian: You’re going to watch a movie alone with my ex-girlfriend because it’s you’re destiny to be a piece of shit! Why can’t you let me have one thing of my own! Something you won’t molest with your moral bullshit!
Elliot: My intentions are positive and this conversation is over. Now hand me the DVD from your desk or I will talk Dad into shipping you off to bible camp this summer.
Adrian: Fuckin hate you Elliot. Leave her alone!
Elliot: No! She asked for my help! Why do you care? Weren’t you the one who exposed her to marijuana and binge drinking in the first place? She already had to use an inhaler everyday for her asthma and you make her smoke toxins? What do you care about her?
Adrian: I admit we experimented together. I can’t believe I never saw…(beat) you know…
Elliot: What? What is it?
Adrian: You’ve got a small point though.
Elliot: Excuse me?
Adrian: Well, as you know, I have experience with…Nihilism. And I can say that the music and the lifestyle is fun.
Elliot: Right.
Adrian: But you could say it gets old after a while. Don’t get me wrong, I would never go around preaching at people, telling them to be more like me…but it is depressing. I’ll admit that.
Elliot: That’s really great bud.
Adrian: You know what. Fuck it, I mean, forget it. Take the DVD. It’s yours.
Elliot: Thanks! You have no idea how much good this will do.
Adrian: You’re right. There’s no way for me to see how much it helps because I’ve never been to one of you youth meetings. If you don’t mind, I think I’d like to come with you tonight.