Welcome to the Team

Joey: Short and sturdy man in his late twenties.  Quietly confident and highly aggressive.
Ted: Independent, intelligent and calm 14-year-old freshman in high school.
Mikey: Impressionable, loud and spunky 14-yeard-old freshman in high school.

Joey stands in a locker room, mixing a large bucket of yellow paint with a stick.  There are mannequin heads wearing afro wigs on a table next to him.
Ted walks into the room and watches Joey.
Joey picks up a can of yellow spray paint and starts shaking it up.

Joey:  Ted, my man!  What’s up kid?
(Short Pause.  Ted watches Joey intently)
You guessed it already, haven’t you?
(Short pause)
No?  Well, if you have it’s okay to be a little spooked.  I guarantee that fear in your gut will make you run faster.  Keep you from getting caught…It’s been about twelve years since I did what you’re about to do.  Things get easier over time.  Considering what I went through.  I’ll spare you the story, but it was brutal.  Nothing like the picnic you’re about to take.
(Joey starts spray painting the wigs yellow)
Where the hell is Mikey?  Oh well.  I’m not worried about him.  Kid’s got more spirit than any freshmen I’ve ever had try out.
(Joey shoots a mean look at Ted)
I’m not gonna tell you what happened to me, ok?  You look scared as shit.  If you just follow my instructions, word-for-word, with total obedience, there’s a chance you’ll be sipping beers with the rest of the team later tonight.  Now, let’s put this on you.
(Joey steps forward and tries to put the wig on Ted.  Ted takes a step away from him.)
Ted:  Hey!  Don’t you think we should wait for Mikey?
Joey:  Excuse me?
Ted:  I think, you know, we’re in this thing together, right?
Joey:  What are you saying, kid?  There’s no beatings here.  Just put the wig on your—
Ted:  Wait!  I talked to my brother about this, and he said they all did it at the same time.  As a group.
(Joey remembers with a proud look)
Joey:  Your brother.  Now there’s a fine athlete.  That boy was one of our school’s all-time greatest running backs.  You gotta lot to live up to, Ted.  How’s he doin now, anyways?  I haven’t heard much of him.
Mikey:  That’s the thing, he’s—
(Mikey bursts through the door, grinning)
Mikey:  Hey coach!
Joey:  Mikey!  Hey kiddo!
Mikey:  So what’s up?  Are we ready to go?
(Mikey starts to take off his shirt)
Joey:  We’re ready, except your teammate here keeps on stalling the process.  It’s like he’s thinking about quitting before the first game.
(Mikey pulls off his shirt)
Mikey:  Come on Ted, it’ll be fun!
Joey:  I don’t think fun is the right word, but there’s no way out of this.  It’s the way we do things.
Ted:  Mikey told me this was a team meeting.  I want to be on the team, but—
Mikey:  That’s right.  It’s a team meeting except we’re not all the way on the team yet.  After this, we’re in.
Ted:  Yeah, I wanna play for the team too.  But do you even know what we have to do?  Do you know how many kids have—
Mikey:  Try talking to your elders some time.  I talked to the sophomores and they said they had to streak through the mall butt-naked last year.  We get to wear thongs, Ted.  And the yellow paint shows our support for the school.  We’re The Suns!
Ted:  Please tell me you’re joking.  I have talked to my elders, they told me all about—
Mikey:  We’re the only two freshmen who were picked!  We’re lucky.  This is a good thing.  Stop thinking and take off your pants!
Joey:  Hold on a sec, Mikey.  You have half of the equation.  Your attitude is dead-on, but there’ s something you’re missing.
(Puts the wig on Mikey)
What you’re lacking—and you need to hear this Ted—is the importance of tradition.  You boys are about to be a part of history.  You’re links in a chain.  Without you guys the past would be meaningless and the future would be squat.
(Pulls the wig violently onto Mikey’s head)
Mikey:  I don’t get it coach.
Joey:  Think:  this school opened in 1952!  55 years there have been young men bleeding for this team.  Giving it all without a thought of themselves.  The Suns…you know what that means?  It’s a symbol.  It symbolizes the fact that we rise again, everyday, like a cycle that’s gotta continue!
Ted:  You asked about my brother, coach.
Joey:  Why do you want to join this team?  Huh?
Ted:  After he graduated high school…he really didn’t do much.  He started having trouble sleeping.  The whole downstairs is his now since he doesn’t like to leave the house.
Mikey:  Are you listening Ted?  They need us to keep the tradition!
Ted:  I don’t know why it happened, but he still talks about the things he went through when he played football.  Not only the pressure to win games…the things he had to do to get on the team.
Joey:  Shut your mouth Ted!  You wanna know what happened to me?
Ted:  I’m here for my own reasons.
Joey:  They beat me with pillowcases full of oranges!  I had to wear a mask over my head.  Then, when I was done, they made me do laps around the field till I couldn’t stand.  Does that sound bad compared to running through a fucking mall?  Do you have any respect?
Mikey:  We’re gonna be a part of the whole.
Ted:  I may want to play football…but I really love journalism.
Joey:  What are you saying?
Ted:  This has been going on, screwing up kids for too long.  My brother is permanently messed up.  I’m telling you that I’m here to do a story.
Joey:  Oh you son of a—
Ted:  If it’s the whole school’s tradition, why can’t people know about it?
(Joey lunges towards Ted.  Ted grabs the bucket of paint and throws it at Joey’s stomach.  Joey falls to the ground.)
Joey:  Get him Mikey!
(Ted runs out of the class room.  Mikey watches him leave, looks at Joey on the ground and doesn’t move.)


  1. video narcolepsy

    Is it wrong to consider this an allegory of the Iraq and Vietnam wars? We’re the Suns!

  2. Mallory

    keep posting, these are really good trav!

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